32?…Moi???

May 21st, 2008

God has been so good to me!! I actually can’t ask for more. Now that I am turning 32 (whew!!) I guess I can say I am more equipped to face what’s ahead. The past 32 years was really a journey, I have met the most wonderful people and the worst ‘friends’. Though I don’t have regrets coz in a way they taught me so many things about friendship.

my life is still predictable and I guess I would be in it as long as God permits me to. I am a still a mother to three wonderful kids and a wife to my ever loving hubby. Nothing new will come up, I guess you can never get tired of something when it is the only thing you ever wanted.

I know I am damn lucky woman!!hehe!! I have positive people surrounding me, trusted friends who are always there, whatelese……a lot!!!! I may not have all the riches in the world but when you have these people….who wants material wealth.

Merci !!!!!

May 26th, 2008

I love them so much! My thank you’s will never be enough. My children are my inspiration, everytime I feel down, depress and worthless, I look at them and I feel my worth. They make me happy and complete ( centrum sila ng buhay ko ). My hubby is so supportive of me.. from my diet, to……secret!!!hehe. I have a hubby worth my sacrifices. My mom, who still looks at me as the 16 yr/o daughter she left two and a half decades ago,haha! She helps me with everything, espcially in taking care of my three kids. (Ate Iya sleeps with her everynight, fyi)


( I don’t have a pic of Lolo Lito, patandain na lang itsura ni ninong , yun na yun!) I call this family our ‘ angels in disguise’. I can’t thank them enough. They help us with all the ly’s..emotionally, financially everything! Half of my children’s wardrobe is courtesy of their ever loving Lola Teng,hehe! They’ve been there during the rough times and the happy moments as well. Thanks, thank you as in…
Bi and BU, thanks for the friendship, for loving me for what I can only give, offer and for what I only am, for listening to my ultra boring stories. For guiding me and giving me tips to improve my sex life, ahahahaha!! I’m looking forward to paying our bills in the coffeshop with our senior citizen’s card.
To my HS and College friends who still remember me. Mitz, Ruth. Leny, Shiela…..etc, super saya everytime we go out, though very seldom but very memorable. My sister FAYE who is getting married soon, finally! u’r one of the real friends I have and I intend to keep. Catre, thanks for helping me survive that ‘incident’ and for the strength I imbibed from you. I know you we are not in good terms but soon, u’l find it in your heart to understand me. To Dave, for all the legal advice and moral support, thanks! Sa mga nakaka chat ko everyday, thanks for making my days light. My ST Dominic friends, SHiela and Malou for not judging me..thanks! Liza, thanks for the pasalubong fresh from the US of A,hehe. Edith for all your help esp in La Salle, don’t get tired please, we have a long way to go,hehe.
( to be continued…. I have so many people to thank, whew!)
So this is the way I want to celebrate my bday! I really realy want to say thanks to all the people who are making my life easy =). Last year was quite a ‘not so good’ year for me but it was a learning experience. I learned that my life is like a typical story in a book, there may be contrabida’s but there will always be super heroes, leadingman and supporting actors to save the day! Happy birthday Angela!!

child’s cry

June 2nd, 2008

I was in tears while watching "imbestidagor" last Saturday. There was a little boy, I think a little over 4 years old, was tied up to the ceiling, with cushions and pillows were on top of his tiny body. To add to that, there was I think a half filled sack of rice on his back while he was asleep. Very comfy huh! No , no he was not abducted, or kidnapped. He was in his own home. His mother and his older sister were responsible for this cruelty. One of their neighbors reported the case to the staff of imbestigador. The child was taken by DSWD and the mother was now in jail.

I was looking at my children and I was asking myself if I’ve been a good mother to them. It’s not enough that you feed them it’s more, so much more……. I’m lucky and most of my friends are lucky as well, coz we have means to provide for our children’s needs, we bring them to the doctor even with a just a simple colds. Even when they are not hungry, we feed them. We give them things they don’t really need. Yes, indeed we are lucky.

There were times, i know I over react with certain things that would involve my kids. I most of the time give them what they need before they would even ask. Practically, they get everything with ease. I know, we all want the best for them but then sometimes I feel that they too should experience difficulty at this early stage in life. I mean. before they would get the things they want, they should earn something to make them worthy of whatever it is they like. They sometime don’t value the things they get esp when it was given to them right away.

Its really sad to see little children suffer esp with the hands of the people who should give them love and care. I feel sorry for all the children who are sleeping with empty stomach, to those who at an eraly age must work to survive…. I donno’, yup I’m OA when it comes to children. I can’t imagine my kids suffering like these children. If only I can afford to help them, I will. I know any mother would understand… a "real" mother would……

hay…..kanin!!!!

June 2nd, 2008

Ok, ok, I wasn’t the ideal 36-24-36 way back kopong kopong. I wasn’t big either. I was 103 lbs when I was in third year college for goodness sake!!!! After giving birth to my first child, I was at my thinnest……now???!!! We’ll, I’m not really big, as in compare to my other friends ( soweee!! nyeta pa cute) but for my height, I think I am a little over..there….= )
So who, I mean what is the culprit??? Whatelse but my very reliable weight adding buddy…..KANIN!!! My friends used to tell me, I eat like a construction worker ( nothing against em’ huh, it’s like when ur tired and all, you eat too much….duh! why am I explaining) I dunno, but I really can’t help it.
I read somewhere, that rice converts to sugar when it is inside the body. It is one of the causes of diabetes. Heck, my buddy is really one bad carb. Actually, diabetes is not in our history, not even heart ailment…..only cancer, so really nothin’ to worry =)! But, but there is type 2 diabetes which is actually acquired and it is pretty scary.
When I turned 30, I noticed pain in my joints ( fingers, knees and even on the hips area) Then I started taking calcium supplement, centrum and I started drinking milk. After a year, I noticed some changes. As we grow old, even if we don’t want to admit it.. we really have to take extra care of ourselves. It’s not anymore about being fat, or looking good in our favorite little black dress but to stay healthy and live longer. Now I am determined to shed off the extra pounds I gained the last five years. I know it is not gonna be easy but at least I am doing something abou it. I am now 127 lbs and I am trying to achieve my 110 gaol…( goodluck to me) A little unrealistic but its actually my ideal weight ( for my height)

Living healthy is a choice! We need to be healthy for our children. We don’t want them to suffer right?

Hay!… kanin bakit ba kasi ang sarap mo with adobo, tuyo at suka, tapsi at sa kung saan saan pa………….

kay bilis…….

June 3rd, 2008

Last week, walang magawa nag tingin tingin ako sa FS. Nakita ko shout ni Gay. Hay 15 years na pala lumipas……ang bilis ano! I must say, yun na ang pinaka masayang parte ng aking pag aaral,whew!! HIGHSCHOOL! I can still remember my first day in SMHS grounds. Masaya, excited at kinakabahan. kasi inis sa ken mga magiging classmates ko na galing Sentral kasi po galing akong San Isidro ( o di ba ang so sosi ng aming mga pinangalnang school) at mas maganda ako sakanilang lahat ahahahahah, joke lang, react naman agad….
Kanina ka chat ko si lhei, na mention ko din na ang bilis ng panahon dati andun lang kami sa SMHS, nagsasayaw,nag papaganda, sumisilay aheheh..at eto na kami ngayon….


I- Cerise yan ang section ko nung first year highschool aketch. Very challenging year yan for me kasi ang dami kong tsismis na kailangang harapin.haha feeling starlet kasi ako nung time na yan. di, let’s just say, medyo all star cast ang napuntahan kong group and even matino ako, of course " tell me who ur friends are and I tell you who you are " ang mentalidad ng time na yan. Very judgemental talaga, as in. O well, di naman lahat pangit dami din maganda……….


II - Aster—-ahh second year. hmmmmm ok lang naman nung year na yan. Na meet ko si Faye at si MItz..mga kaibigan na til now ganun pa din, kahit matagal na panahon di kami magkita, ganun pa din parang mga bata pa din kami na habang nag lalakad at natalsikan ng poops galing sa kanal, sa sobrang kaartehan, di ko pa din nakakalimutan na Mr Chips ang trip namin lantakan at tumambay sa kwarto ni mitz o kaya sa bahay namin kung san inuntog ako ni mitzi sa pader ahahahha. si faye na laging conscious sa figure nya at sa tatak ng mga gamit nya…a si mitz din kaya…..pero masaya at na discover ko ang real meaning ng friendship…. 1, 2, 3 the friends hahahhha……..


III - Love, hmmmmm well, medyo sad kasi nagka hiwalay kaming tatlo huhuhu…pero,pero naging close ko naman mga babaeng til now e part ng buhay ko at mas lalo pang naging deep ang aming sisterhood. This year din kami walang ginawa kundi magsayaw. sayang got no pics para i post. sana may mag upload. mitz upload mo nga..pls. this year dn naka receive ako ng fan mail,hihihihih. oo fan mail. hay daming memories nitong year na to sa ken. sobrang dami wala ako maalala,hahhha.

IV - Eistein, ay naman. who would forget this year. Wala akong absent nung time na to. as in kumpleto ang school days. I can say, walang araw na di masaya nung time na to. para na kaming magkakapatid lahat. May mga konting ka dramahan pero at the end of the day para pa rin kaming one happy family. Na alala ko pa nung graduation bumaha luha ko hahahha! sana nga may chance na kumpleto magkikita kita kami. well, salamat na din sa FS at kahit papano nakaka balita ako.

Ngayon marami na sa mga classmates ko ang nag abroad. Nasa US, Australia, Dubai at kung sang lupalop pa. Masaya na din kasi nagiging rality na mga dreams nila. Marami din ang mga " di mo akalain"…haha! Andyan yung mga maloko noon pero ngayon pastor na at mas matino pa sa aken =) May iba din na may asawa na at anak,kasama na ako dun, ay may mga hiwalay na din =(. Ang bilis ng panahon…..kaso may time na may kirot pag naiisip kong dumaan na nga ang maraming taon…madaming sana, maraming dapat pala….pero ang importante na lang siguro, kapag maalala mo yung highschool life e, ngingiti at ngingiti ka…..

Broke?

July 27th, 2008

Money talks!….yeah! In this kind of society that we live in, really it speaks and most of the time it’s so loud that it deafens us. It can even blind us in our most trying times.

Try going to the mall with your "comfy" clothes and ask a sales lady to assist you ( I’ve tried it, and actually got pissed off) make her get your size several times, look at her reaction….it’s scary actually..when the circumstance is not as simple as this, how can the " masa " survive.

It’s funny when some of us say, I’m a bit scared to go abroad coz of racial descrimination when in fact descrimination happens right here.

Well, its really inevitable ( o ang meaning nyan it can never be avoided ha, mamya may magsasabi na naman na naloloka ako sa yo, hello! kasi minsan mag basa ng dictionary no para naman madagdagan ang vocabulary words …duh, please!!) to actually look down to others beacuse it is already in our system. I don’t know where did we inherit this trait but it is something we should end. I’ve been there and when you become older, you realize that we are all the same.

I know it is a fact that when you have less, nobody wants to hear you, you have no voice in this corrupt society of ours but heck….what do they care! live your life the way you want to. If you’re happy that way..then so be it.

August 12th, 2008

Amidst my busy day I stopped and wonder

Is this the life I chose? or this is the path HE chose for me

No life is in bed of roses

No soul is always at peace

Should this be my mind set?

Or am I being too selfish…..

Ill-starred, I described me

yet people see me otherwise

I tried seeing myself thru their eyes

For I might get courage to stand

To atleast be the half of the person they perceived me to be

Yet I flee………

scared to see the future

though anticipating……

Change is inevitable, so I might

But for now..carry on loser

Enjoy your miseries, wallow in it

September 17th, 2008

I can’t think of words that will exactly define how I feel right now. It’s just about me and my boring life,hehe!…I just want to share ….

I want to tell a dear friend that it’s not all bed of roses. We all have our share of miseries and pains. We can’t have everything, we will never be contented anyway. Life is what we make it, so they say. We can be happy if we want to… we shouldn’t depend our happiness to other people, we’ll just end up miserable.

Honestly, I also have issues that I can’t solve. It’s just that my thoughts last night were different. I realized that I have been dealing on these issues too long that I’ve forgotten how wonderful my life is..yet very simple, I have many reasons to smile about. Thre’s so much negativity in my heart because all I did was complain. Come to think of it, I didn’t bother to find ways to make ‘me’ a better me. Have you?

I received a message saying..”Life is not all the time about choices, it’s about making the right decisions”…I’ve decided to devote my time to my family, there were times that I want to break free but I still go back to the person I’ve decided to be. Sure there are other options but in my heart this is where I am truly Happy……so I am staying, only I have things to improve..and things to learn…and ACCEPT!!!!

Flashback!!!

September 22nd, 2008

My ears were glued to my mp3 yesterday and was very nostalgic coz of the songs I was listening to. Who in my age group did not sing along wih Love will lead you back, Changes in my life, I will always love you, songs of Mariah etc, etc…… These are songs that made us cry, smile and laugh…… 80’s and the 90’s really made great songs that till now everybody’s listening to. Oh well, of course good and bad memories are part of these songs as well. I actually don’t have too much stored ( operated twice ) but I have some that I sometimes recollect when I’m under the weather. I intend to keep only the good ones though,hehehe… Time is fleeting fast…sometimes it is scary esp when people from our childhood dies..6 years ago we decided to move here and now I heard the oldies in my former place are..you know! It saddens me coz even if I’m not close to them, I practically grew up with them (in the background ,of course ahehe!)Well, I used to buy candies or my fave junk food in their store…or I see them sweeping their yard everyday when I go to school, hayayay, so much of that sad part……..Oh well, these songs that I grew up with are the same songs my children are singing now. Its so amazing that we are singing the same tune. Funny coz for sure, these will also be the songs that will be playing when they are heartbroken, or during their kilig moments hehehe…..

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Just my thoughts…don’t take it seriously cause I didn’t hehehe!!!

September 17th, 2008

You’re in your 30’s, single and virgin!!!

Watch Sex and the City, in case you haven’t ( the movie ), you’ll find out that there’s still hope. Make your criteria for judging, hehe! as realistic as possible, then you’ll find him.

Married, feeling left out, ignored?

Make the first move, don’t wait for the sun to shine,hehe! Like what a friend told me, make it pleasurable for you not to your partner…..be a hot mama, gone are the days when mommies wore duster..look young, feel young…exercise? diet? whew! can somebody please slap me….wahahahahaha!!!!

In love with a ________????????

Can’t see anything wrong with that, just make sure you are strong enough to swallow the comments and the criticims you’ll get from our very compassionate ’friends’ ( who thought they can do no wrong). Just know your limitations and make sure that this person is making your life happy and better not the other way around. Know when to say enough….

Your hubby left you, pennyless, depressed???

When you’ve done your part to save the marriage, I guess its time to put things to its proper places. Move on without him, he’s not coming back just yet ( wait till he’s old and sick, nyeta) ask for legal advice. you can’t just wait there and make your and your children’s lives miserable. Don’t be a pathetic loser. Sue him for all he’s worth.

Gay? still inside the closet????

Hmmm…go out!! “spread your wings and fly, for you have become a butterfly” No one said that success can be measured thru sexuality,

Ang hirap ng walang magawa, kung anu ano pumapasok sa utak...wag na lang seryosohin! kung naka tulong sa yo e di salamt....mwah!

September 23rd, 2008

What do you tell a loved one who is now in pain, how do you tell them ” be strong ” when you yourself is damn scared??? What words will you use to comfort them? Will your words of love be enough to make them fight?

I was taken aback when I heard the news. It’s like stones being thrown at me yet I am not feeling anything. The main subject in not a celebrity, or a politician but someone so close…I feigned strong, knowing how affected he was. I tried my best not to sound doleful but heck inside me, I really am! There are times I want to say “NO its not like that” but my head won’t stop nodding, I know it will make him feel better. I know exactly how he feels…..when you want to help but you just can’t….simply because you don’t have resources….all you can do is pray!!

I want to comfort her through my text messages, i did it once. It’s not that I don’t care, i just don’t know what to tell. I might scare her even more or maybe she wants to forget and my msgs might trigger the pain…..I want to tell her be strong and believe that God is listening to her prayers…….but you see, she knows all of these things, and she might think, yeah! easier said than done……you end up rubbing tha pain even more and saying things that she doesn’t actually wants to hear…. what should I do then??? If I don’t say anything she might think, I don’t care…….

Sometimes its hard to understand how unfair life could be. You hear of people causing pain to others yet they live a life of ease. You know people who’s main purpose in life is to serve their loved ones yet struggle for their lives…..yet being tested in the most difficult way. Sometimes you can’t help but be afraid that when everything is doing ok, something will definitely go wrong. I don’t want to sound so negative but the cycle never really fails….

Test of faith can be so difficult at times but there were many who passed. I can say I’ve my share of the test and I survived. Miracle happens and I guess we just have to believe that incase its our time to take the test, we will see a miracle. Afterall, God doesn’t give us load that we can’t carry, He will always walk not ahead either behind but beside us. There’s nowhere to go but to HIM. HIs undying love for us will make everything alright.

Let me share these passages and poems, they comfort me in times of pain….

My heart is breaking, so I will remember Him….

The ocean depths call out to each other,

and the waterfalls of God are roaring.

They are like the waves of sorrow

with which He floods my soul

God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear……’Be still,and know that I am God.’ Psalm 46

….a voice inside me was saying ‘ There is a way through this, but you must find it outside of yourself. “I am here, in the darkness. You are never alone” - Mary Craig

God will not let us go. Sometimes I feel that I am holding by my hands to a cliff edge - but even if I let go it is reassuring to know I shall not slip down - James Casson

I’ve come to believe strongly that God understands our feelings. He doesn’t turn His back when we are weak or hurt or depressed. He walks with us right where we are. He allows us the dignity to have our feelings. And all the time, He is gently, patiently, waiting to point us toward wholeness when we are ready to receive it. - Elizabeth Dean Burnham

Loving Father, we need you…..we are utterly helpless today - we can only give you this whole horrible situation. We cannot understand why you have allowed this to come into our lives, but we trust You…..I’m asking you to stay beside us - in us, around us….. - Jeanne Scheresky

Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope……. Psalm 94

Faith is willingness to trust God when the pieces don’t fit, as well as willingness to trust when life moves along smoothly, as it will. It’s not so important ……. to know why God permitted the suffering, as it is…to accept the tension and anguish it has created and tranform it….. suffering must become creative - kattie F. Wiebe

I suppose what really settled ( the matter ) in my mind emotionally and spiritually was when I finally stopped asking ‘ Why? ‘ and started asking ‘For what purpose? ‘ - Michael Graves

May these inspire you to keep on going, there’s always hope….Keep the faith!

chasing butterflies

October 29th, 2008

Morning has come, I am wide awake

Green and purple roses on my bed await

Scent of familiar perfume

Keeping the smile on my face

oh how I love this scene, please stay

Could it be you

The one I loved so true

Its like chasing butterflies

Don’t let my feelings die

Come and dry these tears

Let me feel you once again

Its like chasing butterflies

Do I have to let you fly…..

hear me sing the pain inside

my heart is lost , wanting to be by your side

Oh Lord please I need to forget

I can’t bear the pain , let me rest

Your like a butterfly,

I cant have you like i did before

I’m chasing butterflies …

chasing them in my dreams

Im wide awake,the sun has shown

scnet of your perfume has gone

silence ..tears..endless sorrow

Now the dreaming has stopped

Aii was just a dream

I found this in my collection of poems way back 1997,hehehe! If my memory serves me right, this was meant to be a song for I can’t remember who,hahaha! forgive the kababawan but a 19 year old wrote this, lol..

my guiltless (?) SISIG ; )

October 30th, 2008

My hubby usually describes our children ( with regards to eating ) as kids with vetsin on their tongues, lol! Well, they actually are big eaters..that’s why they are in a 1cup of rice diet now except for Sundays. But today,I kinda’ let them enjoy the dinner with additional half cup of rice,heheh! Its because I prepared my guiltless sisig which is their favorite viand with steaming rice and our dear old coke.. Hmmm sounds yummy ha! but like a very responsible commercial would say..sisig eating is dangerous to your heart, eat moderately..hehehe..
I just want to share with you how I cook this dish, well its just a typical sisig which we can buy somewhere but you see my sisig goes with tlc hahaha.. so here it is..


1K pork liempo ( cut into med size )
3 siling haba and siling labuyo ( just put according to your taste )
2 pcs white onion or red whatever you like
toyo/worcestershire sauce/grnd pepper/vinegar ( accrdng to ur taste again

Boil the liempo until it fries on its own oil, brown it a little then add a little toyo and worcestershire sauc. continue frying until it becomes a little crispy. when it is brown in color on both sides, remove from heat then cut into small pieces ( minced ). in the same pot saute the minced liempo then add onion and siling haba. add vinegar ( dont stir, let it simmer for 2 mins ) add again toyo and worcestershire sauce till desired taste. lastly add the siling labuyo for an extra kick,wahoo!

so there is my version of sisig..Enjoy!

motherhood…hardest job on earth accdng to OPRAH!

November 18th, 2008

Here in our country, ang pagiging fulltime mommy/nanay/mama/ina is very ordinary. Most of the time ang picture natin sa kanila e yun bang naka duster, naka pony tail, di masyadong mabango, nagger at yun katulong sa bahay hehehe! Well that was BEFOR..iba na nga ang itsura ng mga typical na nanay sa bahay…pero ano nga ba ang tingin natin sa kanila, pareho pa ba, na earn na ba nila ang respeto na para sa kanila!?

Ten years ago, I tied the knot and decided to be a fulltime mommy to my eldest, fortunately nasundan sya agad so talagang i devoted my time sa kanila. Masaya, very fulfilling…. pero di pala madali! Siguro kung ma e experience ng iba na sanay sa8 to 5 job sa ofc, mahihirapan ka talagang mag adjust. based on my experience, medyo time consuming esp pag may maliit ka pang anak at wala kang yaya or kasama sa house. Doable naman lahat..kaya naman ng powers.

kung mahirap ang fulltime na nanay, what more kung ikaw ay working mommy,,,swerte ka kung afford mong mag yaya pero kung hindi… madugo talaga. imagine after work, lahat ng naiwan mong chores gagawin mo pa..hay!

So di ko na maimagine kung gano pa kahirap kung nanay ka at need mong mag work abroad ( kasi ala wenta ang yung hubby,hmmmm! ) to make both ends meet…

akala ng madami sobrang simpleng maging nanay, emotionally, physically draining tlaga. add mo pa ang pag b budget, malas mo pa kung wala kang i b budget hahha…sana lang yugn mga asawa e maging supportive pati na din mga anak at lahat ng naka paligid sa men… tao lang ang mga nanay na may mga time na , na burn out, may sumpong at most esp napapagod din at pwede ding magkasakit. kaya dapat tulungan, kung ano ang mga kaya mong gawin mo na, wag mo na iasa. may iba na kasi na akala mo robot ang mga nanay na lahat dapat nagawa..ano ba yun?

tama si oprah, mahirap ang maging nanay..it is indeed the most difficult job ever. Imagine 24/7 kang on call, no pay, no holidays at di pwedeng mag resign….kaya chin up mga ka mommy ko dyan, sobrang we have the most noble job at di dapat lagyang ng “LANG” ang pagiging mommy natin,,,,

everything!!

December 23rd, 2008

I had a chance to chat with a friend whom I rarely see these days. It was a typical mommy to mommy talk but I was surprised to know that for someone like her, she has so much to complain ( honestly, I can’t get it) . She landed a job in a very prestigious hotel in our country right after college, got married and now enjoys the finest things life has to offer. In short, she enjoys a lot of things which I can only dream of.

The conversation started with this line..” Anj how are you, I heard nasa yo na ang lahat” I almost fell off the chair. Actually I was laughing hard, I thought I’d pee. “WHAT???”, me ? I took a deep breath before I type my answer, I mean the serious one,hehehe…….

You see, having everything doesn’t always mean having all the things you really want. Everything doesn’t always mean the things you can purchase….Everything to me has a different meaning. Honestly I don’t! I experience financial problems, I don’t have a career that you can envy, I don’t have a big house nor a brand new car that you can drool about. So what made she say I have everything???

Funny cause I was about to tell her that same line she told me but I was put to stop when I read her reply. She said, “ you know Anj, I wish I can wear your shoes, I may have all the things money can buy but I don’t have what you have and what you have is the real meaning of the word everything”.

Unfortunately, our chat was cut short cause my bunso needs to go to the loo. It was a short but very meaningful conversation. Until now I am thinking of the things she said to me, It was actually an eye opener. Yeah, I guess I have a everything..if everything would mean being there always for my kids, seeing them grow up to be wonderful individuals, being able to see all the firsts in ther lives, having a responsible and loving husband and having the chance to mold my children to be good people…then I guess, yeah she’s right…absolutely right!!!

January 27th, 2009

All the while you thought you can trust them your life then you found out they are backstubbing you and made you the bad guy….yup sometimes this happens and worst to one of the most trusted persons in our lives….our so called “friend”

Whenever I encounter stories of this sort, it makes me feel really, really disgusted. I can’t understand why are there people who are willing to risk frindship and for what? ego? money? or just for the heck of telling a story?? sometimes people tend to forget the value of friendship because they are busy digging tsismis and making these stories big and these of course will lead to a broken friendship, ruined reputation etc..all because of the dirty mouthed creature!!

Honestly I find these people funny, I mean here they are talking about the lives of ther people yet they themselves are a living an unperfect life..noone does right? but there are some who knows when to tell, when not, and who to tell. It’s just a matter of using your heart and your mind altogether….

Nasaan…Isang Umaga

February 3rd, 2009

“Mommy nakita ba yung paper na sinulatan ko kagabi?”, “mi nakita mo si optimus”, “mommy where’s Barbie’s panty”…”Nasan ba yung tsinelas ko..lecheng tsinelas laging nawawala!………………yan, yan typical na umaga sa bahay namin..o di ba pati si optimus prime need ko hanapin, sus saang outerspace ko kaya hahagilapin si optimus. lintek pati tsinelas na di naman nasayaran ng paa ko kailangan alam ko san nakalagay…..at wag kalimutan ang panty ni barbie kasi magagalit si kana ( si josh yan tawag ng mga tita nya kasi ilokanang englisera daw hahaha!)…..kaya ang ending eto..

una kong nakita ang panty ni barbie na pilit kong inaabot kay kuya na nakatitig sa ken sabay sabing mommy “di yan si optimus” at syempre habang inaabot ko sa kanya dumadakdak pa ako kay ate na anong papel ba yun san mo ba huling nilagay, kasi naman blah blah blah, syempre ang bagets natulala siguro iniisip nya na hello mommy kung naalala ko e di di na ako magtatanong sa yo. o sya good Lord at nahanap ko naman lahat ng gusto nila..ayun tahimik na ulit at kumain na sila…… ako nag sit down muna kasi na stress ako sa mga pangyayari hahaha!

natapos kumain at hayan umpisa na naman ng kaguluhan at hanapan ng di makitang kung anu ano na kung tutuusin lahat naman nasa lalagyan lang pero parang hirap silang hagilapin, e ang liit lang naman ng bahay namin….pero these little things make me happy naiisip ko ito parati pag nasa school na sila, nasa office na si hubby at si kulit nag s sims na ( hay si kana na 3y/o addict sa SIMS..kakaloka) kasi nakakatawa ang mga reactions nila pag natataranta ako kasi nga yung time alam mo na papasok maghahatid pa etc..

kanina sa school pagbaba ng mga bagtes si ate nag kiss na pero si kuya yumakap ng matagal at nag kiss din siguro way of saying sorry nataranta ka kanina..yan yan naman ang mga bagay na kumbaga ay priceless walang makaka pantay dyan di ba, mga simpleng hug at kiss pero alam ko na may iba pang ibig sabihin..medyo showy kasi ang anak kong boy kesa kay ate pero si ate naman may sariling way yan mag lambing. katulad na katulad kasi yan e, medyo may difficulty sa pagiging affectionate.

nag d drive ako pauwi, nag play sa radio ang song Star ng simply red, hay nagbalik sa ken ang mga alala ng nakaraan ( hahahah! ayos ba?) syempre kumanta ako ng malaks, wala naman makaka rinig paki nila ( pero syempre I made sure sinara ko na lahat ng bintana ng oto heheh) nakaka luha at the same time nakaka tuwang maalala ang mga yon…. wala lang nai kwento lang…

Minsan talaga sa buhay natin, dapat marunong tayong humanap ng mga bagay na makak pag pasaya sa ten kasi sobrang hirap na nga ng buhay mag papa ka lungkot pa ba naman tayo….minsan nga sa maliliit na bagay dun natin mararamdaman ang mga saya na never pa ting na experience. ako bilang mommy, madalas nag c complain ako na mahirap, nakaka bore at kung anu ano pang reklamo pero tanungin mo ako ano ba ang pinaka naging maganda kong desisyon na ginawa..yun e ang maging full time mommy. kahit mag hapon akong magtatalak sa mga anak ko ang ending nyan naghahalak hakan kami kasi sasabihin nila na si mommy ang ingay paarang radio na ayaw mag off kahit na unplug na o kaya si mommy daig pa si rosela at antonio ( yan ang mga alagang lovebirds namin na super iingay) di ka ba naman tumawa sa comments naganyan di ba.

ngayon eto ako gumagawa ng blog( habang may sinisinghot na white flower, tatlong araw na kasi akong offline hahaha!) kasi busy na naman si kana sa SIMS pero kanina naubos ang baon kong english sa kanya ng kaka ask ng “WHY”. hahaha natawa ako kasi sabi ni kana “Infairness” ewan bakit kausap nya kasi si mama na nasa labas nag ggarden..as usual, hehehe. Nakikipag chat din pala ako at the same time………

Am I a good mommy?

March 11th, 2009

” Anj, am I not a good mother? “…… a question that I answered but lingered on my mind for quite a while. It’s not actually hard to answer it coz she’s so dear to me and I know almost everything about her. Its just that, I know that exact time she’s in pain and the fact that she’s doubting herself is quite disturbing..Her life story is an open book for everyone close to her, she never lied about her ordeal, not even the hardships she needs to face everyday of her life in a foreign land away from her children.

In a third world country such as ours, working overseas is an oppurtunity that most of us want to grab. US, Canada, Australia, Hongkong, UK are promise lands. I am a product of these dream and I understand everything and anything that goes with it. It’s quite confusing for a little girl to understand but for a mother who needs to support a family, it is the answer.

As a child , it is a big challenge to grow up without a mother guiding you, it is hard to survive a world of oppurtunists and liers. I need to be independent at an early age and has to make decisions for myself though most of the time I am unsure and doubtful. It is scary but I survived. There were times that I would ask my mother to come home and take care of us but at the back of my mind, I understand her.I know its for us, I understand that it is indeed a big sacrifice to leave your children and work abroad. No mother would want to do that if only there’s a better choice,

When I became a mother, I prayed hard that I don’t need to make the same decision, I know I can’t bear to leave my children behind. God is so good that He listened to my prayers and gave me a responsible husband who took and is still taking care of me and my children. ( not that my father was irresponsible, he is a lot older than my mother and by the time we needed a big amount of money, he was not qualified anymore ). …All the more, I understand the burden my mom had, the tears she tried to hide everytime she’d leave, the fears she needed to conquer everytime she’s away. I can imagine those times when she misses us, she will hug her pillow tight and pretend that it was us she’s embracing. it is NOT easy, working abroad is NOT an escape , it is NOT giving up your responsibility to other people, IT IS hope for a better future and a chance to offer more choices for the children. If that is being irresponsible, I don’t know now how it is to be responsible.

“Responsible”? how and when can we say someone is responsible? Is it giving all the material things? so when all I can give to my children is love and my undivided attention and not the things they want, am I not responsible? A father who left his children and wife for someone else but can provide financially, he is already responsible? a mom who works abroad to provide good life for her children but couldn’t be there physically for them, is she not worthy of being called responsible?….yes, sometimes it is a selfish world. We utter words that we don’t really understand, we judge others but we oftentimes forget that we too have shortcomings.

it is scary, crazy world. today the people around you cry with you, the next day you deserve the way you’re treated. the reason why? …..

” Being a parent is one big responsibility, being a good parent is even harder. the future of our children lies on our hands, the decisions we will make can break or make them, their decisions will depend on the choices we will present to them. I guess being selfless, being able to give your love regardless of your distance are reason enough not to doubt yourself. Like what I’ve written on my other post, its sharing the best of you and not what’s left you. Yes, being there physically means a lot, they also say its the quantity of the quality time but what if it doesn’t apply to you? what if being away would mean a brighter future? would you still ask why?how?

Life is short, children grow up fast, we parents want to be there all the time, so if only there’s other option, if only there is a guanrantee that your children will get the best education, food on the table and all their basic needs to grow up healthy and productive, if someone will help you with all of these,would you still go? ”

shattered!

April 28th, 2009

I’ve had low moments before. For how many times my hopes have been shattered but today is quite different. So this is how it feels…so this is how my reaction would be,, Honestly, I can’t find words that would describe how disappointed , how hopeless I am. Its like being stranded in a place where help is impossible then you found a cellphone ( with load and there’s a signal) but with an empty battery … how pathetic right?

I don’t know if I had too much hope, if my expectations are too high, if I “counted the eggs before they hatched” or I was just so dissatisfied that when I heard of a possible change in our lives, I pictured it in my mind so clear that I forgot to realize that it hasn’t turned into reality. I know what I am feeling right now doesn’t match how devastated you are. Its like, holding on to that last straw and now,,,its all gone.

I want to believe in dreams, I still want to believe that there’s hope for us, but for now let me face the painful truth…….

April 28th, 2009

My children love to eat, so I make sure to create dishes that would satisfy not just their tounges but most specially their eyes. This is one of those meals that they love because its yummy and colorful. I hope you and your kids will try it.

Ingredients

Chicken breast fillet

Flour, Chinese bread crumbs

Pepper, salt, fish sauce and to taste

Calamansi juice

1 beaten egg ( egg wash )

Oil for deep frying

Pita bread

Lettuce

Tomatoes

Cheddar cheese

Cheese spread ( mix with a little water or milk)

Procedure

Season the chicken fillet with calamansi, fish sauce, salt and pepper. Set aside. Heat oil in the pan, roll the marinated chicken fillet first in flour then egg wash then chines bread crumbs. Deep fry until golden brown. Drain in paper towel.

Heat the pita bread in pan or in oven toaster, spread some of the cheese spread then put lettuce, chicken, cheese and tomatoes. You can use beef, pork or fish fillet as a replacement. Just use your imagination in preparing this dish. Hope you like it, enjoy!

word game

May 15th, 2009

Got super tired of doing my chores and i guess the only thing that relaxes me is writing my thoughts..I was trying to write on a piece of paper, i want to see my hand writing again, for years now I am solely dependent on the keyboard of my computer, heck wasn’t able to finish a paragraph hehehe! So here, I’m back in front of Mr Acer!

I was reading a lot of blogs lately, i don’t know maybe i am looking for stories to inspire me to finish a post or maybe I just want to prove that I am miserable than other people, that way i will justify what I am feeling right now…am I making sense? hahaha!

to be more specific..yup I am under the weather lately. Lhei asked me what is bothering me? truth is, it is really something that i can’t explain. a feeling that I can’t figure out, ( good thing David Cook is in EB, he brought me back to my senses for at least 15 min) now, here I am again trying to name what’s causing my sleepless night….funny! I am thinking of a word and “praning” is the first word that entered my head. yeah, i guess that’s the perfect word to describe me lately..praning!!!!

Private: like a piece of shhhh…..

May 15th, 2009

part of me getting old is a continous realization of how my life evolved from the girl who knows what she wants, independent and strong to a woman who’s always asking how, why? to a person who’s lost, insecure and yup praning…

what the hell is happening to me, its like yeaterday i was this person a lot of girls envy, now look at me…feeling like a piece of shit and people around me have stepped on my entire being.. damn it, is this the price I must pay for choosing this path, am i a fool to believe that being a full time mommy has rewards……i am trying my damn hard to be the best person I can be but hell there’s always a time like this….is it me? am I too sensitive? am i unreasonable?

I want to think i am giving my best to my family esp to my children but at times when I feel like self pity is taking hold of my entire being, i just want to vanish and escape my world. Am I being too hard on myself or this is the reality of my life that i kept on denying….

Boy Abunda always ask his guests to pretend ..face a mirror and talk to yourself..I might as well do it..so here

” Anne,meanne,anj…whoever you are, stop living in lies, go out of your box and face the truth…the truth that you are far from the person I last remember seeing. what happened to you? what have you done to yourself> why did you allow these things to happen to you? why did you accept defeat so easily? why are you such a big L, I hate you!!!!”

victimized?????

May 22nd, 2009

Another case of a sex video scandal? what the …..!!! It’s really very disturbing how a communication, knowledge, entertainment tool can be use to destroy anybody’s future. others have been very insensitive, is it lack of knowledge or so much of it?

for a parent like me, imagining that the victim is my own daughter is really sickening. I just can’t get it. there are ‘things’ that are done privately and should remain that way . why capture it and eventually let it out for the public to know. people who are doing these are sick and should get treatment. Don’t you have sisters? mothers? c’mon! how pathetic…..Is this how you feed your ego? what kind of satisfaction do you get huh!? LOSERS!!

Funny how other people react on this matter…some are curious, some are passive, others don’t care at all….. to those who are curious, duh, when you watch one, you’ve seen them all..hay i can’t see any difference, to those who are passive and doesn’t care, o well get a life!hehehe

This is so sad..our youth is swallowed by the corrupt society we inherited somewhere..we Filipinos are known to be respectful, conservative and decent (as far as our forefathers are concerned). Being liberal doesnot mean going over board. being cool doesn’t mean ruining other people’s lives. A real man knows how to respect and protect their female counterpart. a real man is someone who uses his heart and his mind more than his puppet in between his legs…. God bless your souls!!!!

BABAE!

May 25th, 2009

Have you been watching the news lately??? Darn, video scandal left and right…from one woman to another. Its sickening, not because its swallowing the real issues that the nation has to deal with, but the facts about how SOME men treating women nowadays. I thought male chauvism is dead, gone are the days that women are treated like toys or a commodity, something that can be owned but hell I’m wrong. There are STILL men who I guess believe that women evolves around them. that we exist to make them feel superior…..and how sick is that!

Woman…man’s significant half, counterpart, a partner, the better half, behind a man’s success is a woman, babaeng hinugot sa tadyang?? sometimes even our definiton is questionable. it seems like we are always under the superordinate’s shadow. How sad! It should be the other way around ( hehehe female chauvenist uprising)

” Let’s turn the table around”, let’s say, a woman who captures all her sexcpades, a diary ( as the sick guy said) would we get the same bruhaha ? can we face everybody and say “condemn the sin not the sinner”, do we get the same remarks? will there be a woman who will say “wow astig” or lupet….will there be a man who will reply ” the best lesson learned is not to steal ones gf or bf” if asked for his comment regrading the issue? I mean would he be more interested in putting the guilt on the act of stealing rather than question the person “what the hell were you thinking?

yup, its always two to tango.if we don’t allow things to happen then it won’t. I guess we just have to learn from others mistakes. As a mother of 2 girls, I’d probably give emphasis on self love and to my only boy, I will tell him that he should treat each girl tha way he wants other boys to treat his sisters….and that video cam is expensive, we can’t afford one..echos!

Closet queen no more!!

June 1st, 2009

It was funny how a statement turned my day around, I’m quite sure I’m not the right person to answer that question. Well anyway, I want to share a peculiar but very insightful conversation I had with a stranger….

It was late afternoon, while I was waiting for the surgeon to arrive…I was sitting next to a mom and a boy whom I believe to be about 12 or 13 years old. They were laughing while having snacks….. the boy asked permission from his mom to I guess walk around the hospital….

Then the mommy faced me with a smile on her face and asked ” bading kaya ang anak ko na yan” I smiled, for the first time in my life I was speechless….It was so stranged, I mean we’re strangers, i wasn’t even looking at them…o well, knowing me I would always have something to say. I asked her how she came up with that conclusion about her son..so she made kwento, the usual tale about a boy who will probably wear tiara oneday,someday….actually I didn’t do so much talking, I was listening very carefully to the mom. I was intrigued how shes taking everything, she was laughing and I didn’t see any disappointment in her statements…my neck kinda’ ache with too much nodding hehehehe… to sum it up, it wasn’t a complain at all, it was only a storytelling how she found out, how the family supported the son even after the confession… It was amazing!

“We don’t hear stories like these everyday, I mean some stories like this have bloody and tearful ending. It was just so delightful to know that such love exists in this world, unconditional (in its truest form) . ”

It would take a brave heart to come up with your peers moreso to your parents and admit that “mom, dad, I’m GAY”. It’s I believe love for oneself, a strong conviction that being gay is not something to be ashamed of. It is acceptance of ones existence and proving that you value yourself the same. I can’t imagine myself living a life of lies and pretentions. It must have been heartbreaking to just dream of being the real you, for acting the person you are definitely not.. Tears must have been endless and fear is swallowing the entire you…..it must be very difficult…….

i know many are still hiding in the closet, many are still afraid of rejection coz’ others can really be cruel and unruly. How can you blame them for hiding?

I must admit there are question in my mind but honestly, I feel gays should have equal rights, I hope one day we try to look deeper and see them the way we look at straight men or women. Lets look beyond laughters and acknowledge their tears even more. Yes, in a lot of ways they make us laugh but its not suppose to be filled with ridicule but laughter thats tells they are making us HAPPY!!!