Private: like a piece of shhhh…..

May 15th, 2009

part of me getting old is a continous realization of how my life evolved from the girl who knows what she wants, independent and strong to a woman who’s always asking how, why? to a person who’s lost, insecure and yup praning…

what the hell is happening to me, its like yeaterday i was this person a lot of girls envy, now look at me…feeling like a piece of shit and people around me have stepped on my entire being.. damn it, is this the price I must pay for choosing this path, am i a fool to believe that being a full time mommy has rewards……i am trying my damn hard to be the best person I can be but hell there’s always a time like this….is it me? am I too sensitive? am i unreasonable?

I want to think i am giving my best to my family esp to my children but at times when I feel like self pity is taking hold of my entire being, i just want to vanish and escape my world. Am I being too hard on myself or this is the reality of my life that i kept on denying….

Boy Abunda always ask his guests to pretend ..face a mirror and talk to yourself..I might as well do it..so here

” Anne,meanne,anj…whoever you are, stop living in lies, go out of your box and face the truth…the truth that you are far from the person I last remember seeing. what happened to you? what have you done to yourself> why did you allow these things to happen to you? why did you accept defeat so easily? why are you such a big L, I hate you!!!!”