GONE

November 17th, 2009

People say when we experience “downfall” we should try to look at other people’s lives so we know how blessed we are. Yet, they also say that it is a waste of time because you are only counting the blessings of others rather than yours ( it is as well, a source of envy which in a way can be very stressful ;( ) So whichever way we go, there will always be a negative effect….So now, what direction should I follow???

i asked for something, yes! but it is not meant to have everything. I just want a life which we won’t put our loved ones in a position where they can’t say NO. I just want a life that my everyday will not depend on others. I need a life which I can choose how to live it rather than living it based on other people’s opinion. i want a life where I can say, we have this because.. unlike. it was expected that’s why we have it….I didn’t asked to have such a life in a blink of an eye, it will be a hardwork yet here I am still a pathetic dreamer. I didn’t ask it for me, I asked it because souls will benefit from it. It is a freakin’ unfair world, yes that I know…but how come others don’t have to wish for…it just happens. I am allowing myself to be this frustrated because I have been in this predicament for quite a while and the only hope I am seeing just burst in thin air. Scared? probably! hopeless? I don’t know!

When your dreaming is over and reality sets in, it is when you feel this kind of pain that I thought never existed. I can’t put it in words really. Right now, all I’m asking is, is it too much to ask for?